LOC (2003)
Director : J.P.Dutta
Budget : INR 40 Crore ($10million)
After making the half baked, jingoistic but ultimately successful Border J P Dutta was further encouraged to go ahead and try his hand at raping the Indian army again through LOC (Line of Control) A rambling epic crammed full of stars, explosions and very little perspective. I especially love how the opposing sides have time to mother fucking sing. There is absolutely no merit in the film, putting in big names and filming them acting like nincompoops does not equal a film. I dont understand what happened to the JP Dutta who made Hathyar.
Verdict : I just love the smell of bullshit in the morning.
Shootout at Lokhandwala (2007)
Director : Apoorva Lakhia
Budget: INR 18 Crore ($6.5Million)
Shootout at Lokhandwal had incredible promise, a film based on true events, an opportunity to delve into the first big gangland shooting, cracking promise of action & drama. Instead we got a of scenes ripped from Heat, American History X, Saving Private Ryan, Untouchables, Goodfellas. Add to this a stellar star cast who have to act out this monstrosity. Despite having all the advantages, the director couldn't present a semblance of a film. Sanjay Gupta claims it as a matter of pride that he ghost directed this film. Just goes to show what an idiot he is.
Verdict : One can accuse Apoorva Lakhia of many things but you cant accuse of him of origniality or being a film maker.
Main Prem Ki Diwani Hu
Director : Sooraj Barjatya
Budget : Probably INR 15 - 20 Cr.
Take a director well known for his family entertainers, let him put together a coup in getting three major stars (though just before they all got hot) AB, HR, KK and put them in a love triangle. There was plenty of scope for entertainment but what we get is a ridiculous film with absolutely no head or tail. A badly animated CG parrot, actors who are absolutely uncomfortable with each other and joint families that only live in Ekta Kapoor land & voila you have a worst films contender.
Verdict : A clusterfuck !
Clerk (1989)
Director : Manoj Kumar
Budget : N/A
A film of mythic stature when it comes to how bad it is. This is a great example of everything wrong with Indian cinema in the 1980's. Looks like the film was made over the course of 3-4 years and it is so bad its fucking good. Ed Wood on his best day wished he could make something like this. Just for the record when this film was released the director and star was 52 and he is shown to be in college along with Rekha. The film and a film maker are completely out of touch with reality. Atrocious dialogue, ridiculous scenes, continuity lapses, there is just nothing this film has done that anyone else can out do.
Verdit : Gold medalist bad.
Jaani Dushman (2002)
Dir : Raj Kumar Kohli
Budget : INR 12 Crore.
In this film, Raj Kumar Kohli the maker of the original star studded hit Jani Dushman & Nagin went out and tried to re-launch (or fob off) his son Arman Kohli as Munish Kohli. The change in name, the anti hero terminator meets the matrix meets mission impossible rip off the bad contact lenses still cannot hide how bad he is as an actor. I know wood that is more expressive than this dude.
The film is a rehash of RKK's old hit Nagin suitably updated to modern times where a icchadari snake couple is cursed and must live apart, fuck it. the story is not really relevant
We have Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty (who at the time was 42) as students of a college, i wonder what fucking college they are in because i know PHD students 20 years younger. Anyone stuck in their university for this long ought to die just like they do in the film. Sunny Deol suitably is an ex-student (at 50+ he is of course no spring chicken)
There is a chosen set of B-grade actors, tv types and all in all losers. The maker spent so much money on the actors and cheap special fx that he coudlnt really hire any known actresses except Manisha Koirala who in her attempt to save herself from her 'barbadi' commits suicide much in the same way as her career did right after the film released.
My fav is Raj Babbar who hands out a hilarious little amulet to protect the lot, its actually a cross, om sigh and the kalima in gold on a chain (a truly secular message for one and all) he also goes around officiating on boxing matches, sitting in on computer labs, as well as being a master of parapscychology. He also has a tendency to say 'Are you okaaay maiii baaai'
The film has practically no redeeming factors, except that it is made on a reasonably big budget, has a focus on special fx but none on story, plot, logic originality. The film makers have no sense of embarassment either.
Verdict : So bad its good.
Om Jai Jagdsh
Dir : Anupam Kher
Budget : 12 Crore
Mr. Kher reckoned he knew enough about acting to go out and make movies himself. So he went out hired some big stars, even got a golden oldie actress and some allright actresses. He built a plot fraught with melodrama Ekta Kapoor emotions and a completely 1980s Mithun / Rajnikanth esque plot.
I wish he had spent some more time with the writer fleshing out the plot and working with some film makers to flesh out the film. Nothing in this film is remotely entertaining or endearing. More like a soap about a bitchy wife, joint family, big ass bungalow in Juhu (here is a hint, sell the fucking thing and build a building)
No wonder it was such a colossal flop.
Verdict : Pretentious bullshit masquerading as entertainment.
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